Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
