Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
