I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
