I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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