apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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