I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
