I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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