I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
