Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
