life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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