She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
