the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize