I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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