my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
