We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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