Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's Friday. Sex?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
