It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
