This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
