Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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