she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
