so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
