dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
