You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
