Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
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You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.