Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.