I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
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By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.