I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants