Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that

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(661): View more from California

the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(419): View more from Ohio

apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"

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(641): View more from Iowa

My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.

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(925): View more from California

He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.

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(561): View more from Florida

And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived

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(281): View more from Texas

This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants

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