apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?