Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted

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  (703): so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted http://tfl.nu/4p9h
  Replies (20) Good night (948) Bad night (2729)
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  (925): View more from California

  You make homosexuality sound like a cult.

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  (925): You make homosexuality sound like a cult. http://tfl.nu/swwi
  Replies (20) Good night (1063) Bad night (2799)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.

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  (970): If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car. http://tfl.nu/glcf
  Replies (6) Good night (916) Bad night (3248)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.

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  (540): I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form. http://tfl.nu/y5wx
  Replies (10) Good night (536) Bad night (3278)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.

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  (317): i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life. http://tfl.nu/2bhk
  Replies (19) Good night (3967) Bad night (800)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind

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  (413): 2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind http://tfl.nu/af2w
  Replies (20) Good night (790) Bad night (6272)
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  (909): View more from California

  He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.

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  (909): He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me. http://tfl.nu/a0xa
  Replies (19) Good night (2400) Bad night (6005)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.

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  (717): totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet. http://tfl.nu/uf41
  Replies (9) Good night (5100) Bad night (719)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding

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  (313): There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding http://tfl.nu/91sj
  Replies (16) Good night (1506) Bad night (3692)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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  (919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2
  Replies (12) Good night (6578) Bad night (850)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week

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  (919): Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week http://tfl.nu/ejf9
  Replies (3) Good night (904) Bad night (914)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.

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  (347): I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong. http://tfl.nu/uiaa
  Replies (15) Good night (1898) Bad night (696)
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  (760): View more from California

  Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.

  (432): View more from Texas

  You're so wise.

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  (760): Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants. (432): You're so wise. http://tfl.nu/48zw
  Replies (3) Good night (945) Bad night (461)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.

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  (727): It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside. http://tfl.nu/ic5n
  Replies (5) Good night (645) Bad night (379)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.

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  (740): Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer. http://tfl.nu/j7d4
  Replies (1) Good night (535) Bad night (256)

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