I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
