Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
