I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
