One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
