It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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