I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
