I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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