We won't sleep together?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
