i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
