I like my sex mixed with concussions.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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