im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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