Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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