the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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