Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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