All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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