I've blown a few things in my day
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
