you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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