that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
