4 words: hood of his car
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So here I am, sexting at work.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize