I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
