winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
