Yo dont text me then not text me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
whose parrot is this?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
