She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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