I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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