she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You ate ashes out of my bong
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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