batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
