Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
