I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
