now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
