Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
