In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
