I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
