I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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