Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
