Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
