tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
