im drinking this country out of the recession.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
