i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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