Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
