I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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