Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
