Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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