Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
