i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
