I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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