I showed him my bush... on skype.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
