I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
