...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
