Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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