I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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