i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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