I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
