Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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