I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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